singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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