if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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