I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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