it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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