How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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