Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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