Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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