I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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