I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
