Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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