You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pants are for mortals
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
