I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
