You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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