Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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