If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
