It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
