oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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