Pappa wants mamma naked
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
