I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
honey bunches of taint.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Randomize
