So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
