Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What a dumb baby whore.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
