Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need water and some morals
Randomize
