So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
