i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize