hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
