a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
