u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
