but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
this boner is exhausting
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
