Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
vagina is talking i cant
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
