Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
