I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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