Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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