where am i from again
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
