with your own penis?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
