No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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