My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
