If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
