someone get that fucking seahorse.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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