i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I believe in your delicious
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
