it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
