Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
