I cannot find my penis.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
