I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
