WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
