covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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