i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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