You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
