You're so nebulous sometimes
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
