How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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