in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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