so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
