sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
