I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
