Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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