i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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