I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
