Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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