she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
