She is in my trunk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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