do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
