We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
