Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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