i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
