i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
