Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
