I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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