She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
