i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
