hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
