Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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