i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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