i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
