paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
