so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
