Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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