i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
