If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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