At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
