recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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