they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize