I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
