How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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