her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
