There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
