You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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