just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
