They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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