he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
