My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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