I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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