Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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