Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
