70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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