sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
