AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
