good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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