question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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