maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
