Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
