I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize