Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
