neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
